Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
