just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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