We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
