It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
