If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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