i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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