I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
