Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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