Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
