I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
