did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
