I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
