"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
