i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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