I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize