He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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