she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She bit a glass in half.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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