So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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