I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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