so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
