We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize