omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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