I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
