she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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