he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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