I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
