On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
