After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
