saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize