my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
