life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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