You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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