I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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