How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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