I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
