I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
