I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
