You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
