Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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