Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
