On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
