I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
