And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
