You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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