So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
