Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
