What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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