I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
