brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
