dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
