Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
