member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
