I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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