i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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