well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
