he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
40s are totally the cure
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
