I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
