sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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