that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
