I wish my penis had an off switch
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
