I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize