i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
