Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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