I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
