i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
