Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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